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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
is available for rebound sex.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.