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If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.