Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
Mondays are middle finger approved
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.