Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
What’s the answer to this question?
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"