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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”