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*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!