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Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it