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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.