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"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.