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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."