Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing