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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.