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There arenโt enough days in the weekend.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies theyโll dig the wrong way.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
It`s not stalking if you love them!