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Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm