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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
We get it poets: things are like other things
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie