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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.