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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
Does this couch I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.