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Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."