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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`