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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.