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Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.