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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!