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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.