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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
Hell hath no fury like me when Iām slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.