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You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.