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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.