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"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".