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It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.