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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.