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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
If you don`t boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball