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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.