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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.