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It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
What about a To-Don`t List?
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.