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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.