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I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.