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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm
I play hard to get along with.