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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
This status is mine....I licked it.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
Youth is wasted on the young.