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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing