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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
There is no time to check time
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.