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According to my nipples, summer is over
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?