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I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.