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I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?