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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.