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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.