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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!