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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.