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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.