Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
This Status Update could be yours for six Easy Payments of $19.99
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.