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Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.