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When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.