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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
I’m sad when my food is over.
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.