Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.