Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!