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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.