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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.