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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.