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How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.