Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.