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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.