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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!