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You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster