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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
and alcohol are now friends.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.