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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.