Daily Silly Status

Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.

Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.

You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died

I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.

It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.

Where there`s a will I want to be in it

I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.

This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues

Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics

Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.

I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.

Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.

Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."