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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.