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Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.