Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"