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All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.