Daily Silly Status

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."

SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.

Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.

Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.

If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.

I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!

Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.

Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.

Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.

Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.

My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!

My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.

With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.

I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.

I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”