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I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.