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You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.