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Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
This patience thing takes forever.
This Status Update could be yours for six Easy Payments of $19.99
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.