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And then her mood ring just...exploded
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.