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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
New day, same old bullsh!t
If I throw a stick will you leave?
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.