Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.