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I love being married. It`s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!