Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."