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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
My wife thinks Iām at work. My boss thinks Iām home sick. These ducks think Iām awesome because I have the bread.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes