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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.