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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.