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I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
I grew up for this?
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.