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Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
I hate when the remote is way over there
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."