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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.