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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone