Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!