Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.