Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cashiers are always checking me out.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone