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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.