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Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.