Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.