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How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.