Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."