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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face