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Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.